There Will Still Be Bad Days

Later Christmas night, I was laying on the couch looking at my dazzling ring and I said, "I don't think I could ever be sad again, because I'll always be able to look at this ring."

And really, it's hard to not feel so very loved in the midst of all this wedding frenzy.

But the truth of the matter is, there will still be bad days.


Any of you out there who are married or have been in relationships know that. Any of us that have depression know that. But this week has been a huge reminder that even if everything in life seems peachy, there will always be those days.


It's been a long week for the world. Tragedy covers our newsfeeds at pretty much every turn, even Buzzfeed, our sanctuary away from reality during our work days can't help but have the headline of disaster.

I came home yesterday in tears. Not for any particular reason, maybe the news of the day had gottent to me, but even with my newest medicine some days my depression rears it's ugly head and overpowers me...leaving me held hostage to my own emotions.

It's kind of funny, when those spells are over, to look back at the ridiculous things you said at your weakest moments. Like, for instance, last night as I was laying there crying (again, brought on by nothing) I sputtered out through my tears to my bo---I guess I get to say fiancee now?--to my fiancee that I was sad because his wedding gift is so amazing and I have to hide it from him for a year.

He couldn't help but laugh, and today I laughed about it too, because that's really a completely ridiculous thing to be crying about.

But still, those days come and go. And he holds me those nights and reassures me that it will pass and it always does. It takes a pretty strong person to deal with it all, and I'm glad I've got one of the strongest.

There's a sense of guilt that comes along with having good things happening to you, and I know we've all felt it at some time or another.

Whether it's a promotion, or a new boyfriend, or even if you just are having a really good day...it seems like there is always something going on or someone around you that has to remind you that somewhere, to someone, everything still sucks.

And it's hard to get past that when you're happy. When you're looking around and seeing all you've got, and you look out and see there are so many sad people, so many tragic things happening and you feel that innate sense of guilt for having it so good.

But it's important to step back and think about all the bad days you have had. The nights you spent sleeping in your car, the mornings you woke up in the hospital next to your mother's bed, the breakups and the breakdowns and the give ups and the let downs.

We ALL have bad days. We all still have bad days coming. But that's why it's so necessary to take these good days, these moments of happiness that seem like they'll never end and tell ourselves we DESERVE them.


I honestly can't wait to be married, but I know I'm not going into a land of rainbows and puppys and kittens. Well, ok, sort I am going into puppy and kitten land, or, I am there already, but you know what I mean.

It's not meant to be an easy road. It's meant to be a really bumpy, awful, disastrous road of life that you travel down with someone who makes mostly every day, feel like a really great day...and the bad days seem survivable.


So there will still be bad days. But I'll have my Italian boy by my side. So I'm ready for them.