Day Four: I am Kat

Today started off with a Nyquil hangover.

I slept through my alarm and battled with this cold all day.
 


DAY 3

I didn't eat any of my containers for the day, except for my cottage cheese and peaches for breakfast. I felt like crap and couldn't do it.

My Lumberjack Crew took me out for lunch for my birthday, and it was brought to my attention once again that everything in my life is centered around going out to eat. Luckily, salmon was an option and I used one of my red containers and green containers and skated by.

Before I even headed home I had already talked myself out of today's work out. The pain of the two workouts was finally settling in, and I was pretty sure both my legs had been beaten with baseball bats while I was asleep, and I knew there was just no way between my head and my legs that today's "Lower Fix" was going to happen.




But that's why people like me HAVE to have a coach to force us into doing what we're suppose to do.

So she bargained with me, and we decided to flippityflop today's Lower Fix with tomorrow's Pilates.


I was not a happy camper. I did not want to be sitting on this floor with Jackson dragging squeaky toys over my face and attacking me because of my exhales which he believed to be directed at him.

 

This goes out to all you people working out in a zoo...

Anyways, the warm up starts and OH MY GOD it's so hard whyyyyyy.

I immediately send a voice message to Coach Melissa blaming her for subjecting me to this torture. If the warm up is this hard, what the hell will the next twenty four minutes be????


But once we actually start, I have to admit to myself it isn't that bad. Me and Kat are hanging out in modify-land today.

I AM KAT TODAY. 

We're making our way through and even though my abs are on fire, my head actually feels a little better, and I could do a slightly (VERY SLIGHTLY) longer plank today. Autumn tells me again, "It's not getting easier, you're getting better!"

I feel like an idiot, but I smile when she says it anyway. I've come to terms with the fact you have to buy into it, even just a little, to make it through.

I've also realized Autumn's catch pharse is, "Yeah?" and I lost track of how many times she asked it and how many times I stupidly answered back with the group.
 


AND SERIOUSLY....

LOOK AT THEM! HOW???


Eventually it ends, and we all applaud.


I'm in considerably more pain than yesterday, but I feel extra proud that I suffered through and did it.

Day three in the bag, and hopefully I'll feel better for tomorrow.

A Quarter of a Century

I'm kind of known for birthdays.

Your birthday, my birthday, anyone's birthday. I'm all about it!
 


But this year, I had no energy to plan the usual over-the-top extravaganza as per usual, and Eric couldn't rent an ice rink because he was busy getting ready to move.

So before I knew it, my birthday was here and I had no party planned, no cake, no nothing.

I was already dreading this birthday, because I knew that high school Marvyl would be super disappointed in where I was at in life. According to my ten year plan, I couldn't be farther from where I was suppose to be.

 



But I am happy with where I'm at for the most part. I'm happy that I have a wonderful family and amazing friends, and the love of my life by my side. Although I may not be exactly where I want to be, I know that high school Marvyl would probably be forgiving and appreciate that I'm still trying to get there.

 


Anyways, aside from my birthday breakdown about my life and babies and careers and stuff, I said good bye to Eric and my mom at a Red Lobster birthday lunch.
 



I know what you're thinking...

YEAH. I MADE IT A WHOLE DAY.


But it was my birthday! And I don't give no damns!



I talked to my coach/aka Melissa and she told me this would not ruin all my diet and hopes and dreams.

So after Eric left I basically watched Garfunkel and Oates for hours until Melissa and I's scheduled workout time.

 


DAY 2

Today's workout with Autumn was Upper Fix. THANK GOD because my legs hurt soooo bad from yesterday's I was entirely sure I would immediately quit today's workout.

 

So it began and I was super psyched because my cats peed on my weights (probably because they're might "light" weights and they think I'm a loser) so lifting them towards my face was really pleasant.


 

I didn't use my heavy weights as suggested because, come on Autumn, let's just be real. I'm still at a Kat level right now.

Autumn said, "You can't have what you never had if you don't do something you've never done."

Oddly motivating, so I push through round one.

Ok, this one is way better than cardio. I feel awesome.

 
Totally accurate description of what's happening to my body.


She keeps throwing motivating things at me, but I'm all like, let's just both acknowledge that I can't even do ONE push up, Autumn.

 

But despite the push-ups, I make it through all the workouts and she tells me it's ok that I'm using the baby weights. (Aw, thanks Autumn and Kat. I AM trying.)

Autumn tells me, "Give me three weeks and I'll give you the body you want!"




It's over and I'm surprised that even though my abs are on fire and my arms probably won't work tomorrow, I didn't completely hate it.


I applaud along with the workout team in the video and immediately hate myself for basically wanting to high five the screen.

      


Day two is over, and tomorrow I'm back on the meal plan wagon. Only 18 more days!


 

When You Know Fancy People

If you're anything like me, photos were number one on my MUST HAVE list for our wedding.

Video, wasn't as high up, but I knew we still wanted it. I want my kids to inevitably have to suffer through watching our what will be decades old technology.

But really, I would give anything to have been able to watch my parents wedding video and to have more video of Eric and I's life together.

The problem was, since I hadn't budgeted as much for video, I was worried that we wouldn't get a good enough quality one to make it worth it.

Then I remembered, duh! I got to work with one of the most talented videographers around, and he would be PERFECT for my big day.

This is Andrew, but we call him Fancy. We're obviously VIPs.

We worked together at WBIR, and now he's not only the Image Promotions Producer there, but he also has a videography business called HISCREATIVE. (Lucky for me, amirite?)

He has incredible vision and storytelling abilities, and is one of the most affordable videographers in Knoxville.

I bring this all up now because he's running a special on his Facebook right now for $100 off a wedding package.

So if you're reading this and don't have a videographer yet and want that discount, GO HERE NOW!


If you'd like to check out his work you can click here. 


As always, you can find this and more of my nonsense on my blog board:

Visit To Be Triscritti's profile on Pinterest.

Just Me and These Gorgeous Invitations

I just watched my sweet boy leave in his massive, super country truck.

One of the only times I've seen him cry was this moment, as it all sunk in at once that he was moving away and even though it's only to Nashville and only during the week it just sucks.


And so now it's me and these cats and this monster of a dog. He is a cute dog, though.


With all this silence and free time, I've decided to play catch up on my wedding to-do list. One of those items being my wonderful invitations, which have finally arrived!

Which reminds me, I need to tell you about a lovely lady in my life.

This is Becky. Becky and her adorable hubby. 

I have been lucky enough to know this graphic/creative genius from my time at WBIR and I can't tell you how incredible she is, so I'll show you.

Becky has pretty much put her magic all over my life, making sure that the biggest moments in my world are highlighted with beautiful graphic design. She's always been able to take my insane/vague visions and turn them into pure, unadulterated MAGIC.

Um, she made my graduation invitation look like I was a model portfolio picture. So there's that. 

She has also been the master mind behind our wedding invitations and save the dates. I haven't sent out the invitations yet, so those will be revealed later on, but I did want to share our Save the Dates. 

Look at this. It's. So. Beautiful. 

Besides being amazing, they were super affordable. 

Brides and grooms out there, don't take chances with your invites and Save the Dates. They're really expensive mistakes if you mess them up. It definitely pays to have a professional help you design them to make sure they are the right printing size and exactly what you want. 

I love ours because they are unique and match our theme perfectly! They're exactly what I wanted!

Thanks again to the beautiful and talented Becky Simmons!

If you'd like invitations for birthdays, weddings, or Save the Dates you can contact her by clicking here.

If you'd like to pin our invitations or see the latest updates to my blog board check them out here:

Follow Marvyl's board To Be Triscritti on Pinterest.

And for now, I'm going to get back to work on these invitations, addressing these gazillion envelopes, and coping with this insane silence in our house.

Body Bora Bora Back On Track

Nobody hates wrap things and advoshakes and diets more than THIS girl.*points to self*



But now that my new medicine is making me feel sort of like a human being again (yay!) I decided to start looking for options to get rid of this weight and get back into my wedding dress.

 


And lucky for me, my beautiful bestie is actually a BeachBody coach! She'd never asked me to do her programs before (probs because of my general attitude towards diets and whatnot) but after seeing her results picture I was all:

 

Girl looked healthy. Not just rockin', but she looked healthy. She seemed strong and fit, and I wanted that. So I broke down and asked her to tell me how much is was going to break my bank and my spirit.


As it turns out, it would do neither of those things. For the most part.

The 21 Day Fix is a BeachBody program that focuses on portion control and exercise. Instead of just drinking liquids for a month or losing water weight, you're eating the stuff you already (or should be) eating in smaller portions and balanced appropriately.

There's a variety of colored containers, and they each represent a food group. Red is protein, yellow is carbs, purple is fruit, etc.

Once you calculate what group you're in, you just plan your meals according to how many of each container you can have each day.

The caveat is that you still have to fill it with things that are approved, which basically means low-fat, non-processed foods.

Pair this with a thirty minute work out each day, and you can lose up to 15 pounds in 21 days.

So there's the pitch. Let me tell you real-people style what I like about the program, real talk.

First, it acknowledges that you're going to cheat.
 

But it tells you, that's ok.
 

There's a whole little section of ways to cheat the right way and how to get that wine into your diet, because, let's be real. I'm not going without Starbucks AND wine. I'm AN AMERICAN.

Besides being just written in a funny way, the book is pretty realistic about what you're going to accomplish and making it as bearable as possible. As much as I complained about having to give up the love of my life (McDonalds) the meal possibilities are pretty broad thanks to Pinterest and the options they give you.

I also loved that it was a one time fee of only $60 for the containers, the book, and all the DVDS. HEY OH. (That's like, what I'd be spending on Starbucks this month...so...)

The meal plan is that you have six meals a day, two hours apart so for a snacker like me, this is ideal!


Anyway, whether it works or not, I'll find out in 21 days. Until then, prepare yourselves for updates via this blog.

Day 1

8:33AM: It’s the first day of my 21 Day Fix. I enjoyed being able to throw my containers into a bag and head off to work as mornings are not my forte.

I didn’t make it quite to 9:00AM for my breakfast, but without coffee I decided I deserved it.

I started off with cottage cheese and fresh peach slices, which is actually one of my favorite treats so it’s not unbearable…yet.

10:29AM: It’s time for the first snack, and even though I’m not really hungry I’m super sleepy (and struggling without my morning coffee) so I decide to dive into my apples and peanut butter. Black coffee is sounding better and better. Also, two tablespoons doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s a good amount of peanut butter.

12:44PM: I tried to sit idly by enjoying my caprese salad during our office’s Labor Day Cookout…but I couldn’t. I don’t know if the whole grain pasta was really as bad as it seemed with the vinaigrette, or if I really just wanted to be eating BBQ.  I decided to swap one of my planned red containers for a hamburger patty and mustard. Defeat tastes so good. So much better than whole grain pasta. I will say though, had this been delicious, this was more than enough food. I was slightly discouraged when I made it because it looked like such a little amount, but it’s actually way more than I need.

2:53PM: It’s time for the afternoon snack, but I’m so full and not used to consuming this much during the day, I barely get through three carrots. Not to mention my office is WAY too quiet for carrots. I put the containers back in my bag and couldn’t help but think that I still have another meal….and a workout…to get through today. More excited about the meal, obvs.

4:30PM: Since it’s a holiday and since without my morning/afternoon/second afternoon caffeine fix I am miserable in so many ways, I reaaaaaaallly don’t want to be at work anymore. However, I am equally not excited about being at home because that means I have to do this work out. Ugggghh exercise whyyyyyy!?

4:40PM: Note to self: Do it for the dress. Do it for the dress. Do it for the dress.

6:15PM: I've made it through the god-awful Pigeon Forge holiday weekend traffic and made it home. In a futile attempt to procrastinate this work out, I take Jackson to the dog park.

6:20PM: My bestie and also coach says we can do the workout together. This will make it easier, somehow. Accountability for the win! She convinces me not to fall asleep watching Netflix.

7:00PM: I put the DVD in and for a moment consider toggling over to the Netflix tile instead of the DVD one...but Melissa is on the other side of the phone waiting for me to be a decent human being. So begrudgingly I click DVD. And so it begins.
 


Workout: The video begins with Autumn, the creator, telling us how important Shakeology is to our workout. I fast forward and tell Jackson about paying for bills not shakes is being an adult. He seems indifferent to my suffering.

Not like this guy.

Ok, she's kind of peppy in that obnoxious sort of way, but her words are still motivating me. I guess I'm a cog in the work out machine. YOU'RE RIGHT AUTUMN! I CAN PUSH THROUGH THIS! I CAN GO FARTHER!



I'm laughing at myself, and the cats are definitely judging me.

And by the way I pull my leg muscle shortly after, I can see why. SO out of shape. So, so, so out of shape.



I sympathize with Kat, the "modifier" who is the only not-skinny one in the room showing us how to do the modified steps if we can't manage the impossible ones the others are doing.


My leg is still unable to do most of the work outs, so I do all the right side ones and then spend the left side ones jogging in place and talking to Kat. I feel you girl. I feel you.

Everything is in one minute intervals and she keeps telling me I can do anything for sixty seconds. OKAY KIMMY SCHMIDT.

But she right, tho.

At this point I've extended my twenty second rest break into a generous 40 second break. Don't you judge me, cat. Or Kat. Either one of you.
 



I spend this 40 seconds trying to determine if T Mac in the back is attractive, or if I just like his TREX shirt and the way he really wants everything to end and how Autumn can be so small and fit and have so many abs and still have boobs that look like that.



I mean, my boobs will be the first thing to go when/if I start losing weight. HOW ARE YOUR'S SO PERFECT AUTUMN? HOW?


I'm back in the game and thankfully we're down to the last round. The ab work outs suck, but I was just thankful to be laying down sort of, so I didn't complain.


The rest went pretty quickly and before I knew it the cool down was over and it was finished.

Autumn congratulates me and says she'll see me tomorrow.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.


FINE.



So day one ends. I'm still here, and it really wasn't so bad.



If you want to learn more about the program, join our Facebook support group, or just get a kit for yourself you can click here. 


For those of you in my area, we'll be starting a new group next week so there's still time to order one and start all together.


And if you want to check out some recipes for the 21 Day Fix check out my Pinterest: Follow Marvyl's board 21 Day Fix Foods on Pinterest.

Weekend at Gary's -The Best Bachelorette Party EVER

Everyone hates bachelorette parties…except the bride. There’s really no bridesmaid that is super pumped about spending all night spending money and pretending their bride is a queen, following her around in matching outfits attending to her every whim. But my bridesmaids are not just any bridesmaids…they are super heroes. They are grand adventurers. And without a doubt, they are the best friends I could ever ask for.

This is the tale of our Weekend at Gary’s.

Our story begins with me having no idea what’s going on. My bridesmaids had planned a surprise weekend (which I did eventually find out was in Nashville) of which I knew none of the details. 

Friday evening I met with two of the girls, we loaded up on Red Bull and Rhianna and hit the road to Nashville.

We arrived to what seemed to be not a hotel-type neighborhood and rolled up to a condo looking house. This would be Gary’s house, and our home for the weekend. Gary’s house, as it turns out, was an AirBNB. I’d never stayed in one before and if you’re not familiar with AirBNB let me inform you.

It’s where super awesome, trusting people, open their doors to strangers and rent out their home to travelers.  In our case, Gary the architect (*made up backstory fact) lent us his super gorgeous home, decorated in vinyl records and Nashville themed art clad with photos of his loved ones that helped fueled our ongoing backstory of who Gary was in real life.

When I walked in I took in the amazing spread of snacks and décor that looked straight up outta Pinterest, and also my favorite wine ready to go. My ladies had clearly outdone themselves, and we were ready to party. The hashtag #weekendatgarys and #garybeforemarry was created and my excitement over the hot tub started the evening.

My MOH freaking made this. With her bare hands. LIKE CUT THE WOOD AND DREW DESIGNS ON IT AND MADE IT. DYING. 

My future sister and mother-in-law made Pinterest come to life with these adorable snackages. The jello shots were too delicious. TOO. DAMN. DELICIOUS. 

Now, this is how you know you have the right kind of friends. When they have an itinerary for the whole weekend (legitimately printed out, thanks to your super-planner sister-in-law…a girl after your own heart) and have scouted all the must-dos in Nashville. (P.S. The itinerary had cowboy boots and hats on it!)

And like that we were off... 

They whisked me off to the most hipsterish place I’ve ever been…the Pharmacy. Apparently this is where all the cool kids go, as evident by the boatloads of handlebar mustaches and beers I didn’t recognize.

We had the world’s least enthusiastic server which only made it even better as we tried anything we could think of to make him smile. (He didn’t, though.) The burgers were AH MAH ZING and probably exactly what I didn’t know I needed for the night that would follow.

Afterwards we retreated to Gary’s where one of the girls suggested we go to Play. We were pretty much convinced after learning that there would be a drag show and that Ke$ha had a song about it, but we were COMPLETELY convinced after she mentioned there would be a foam pit involved.

We piled into our Uber in our swimsuits and outfits and headed to a gay bar. Already this party was more than I could hope for, and I just didn’t even know what was coming.

After paying the insane cover charge, we found our way to the drag show. The place was packed and after a few acts we decided to further investigate the seemingly endless hallways and rooms of the club. We found our way to the main dance floor and decided we definitely made the right choice. It was full of lights, a disco ball, and dubstep. Although the dance floor was empty, it gave us a chance to admire the bartenders and pre-game with cheap tequila. And boy, it was cheap tequila.

Soon enough we felt brave enough to find this rumored foam pit. We traversed down the hallway to a door way where people covered in suds were flowing out from and ventured in.

This is all I want out of life every day. 

You know when people say that if they won the lottery they would fill up a pool with jello or something? This was basically that feeling but about a parking lot. The lot had a fence all the way around it, a stage with a DJ, and bubble machines raining down over the crowd. The bubbles were about knee high, but that was enough for us. Most of us dove in, and the others stayed behind to capture proof that this was real life.

As we danced our faces off, swimming around with a bunch of strangers in bubbles, they began to rise. Before we knew it, the bubbles were up to our shoulders. We’d dive down and disappear, and people would suddenly appear up from the tide. I can’t describe the feeling, but it was bizarre and incredible and probably the most fun I’ve ever had on a dance floor.

After a while we exited off the bubble-floor and headed back inside. It was very cold, and we were covered in soapy water. We toweled off though, and headed in to the now packed dance floor. There was twerking. There was a lot of twerking. Not by us, although I fell victim to dancing to close to someone’s behind as they twerked into my face. THANKS, DANCE PLATFORM.

He had that booty, tho

Before long we befriended a lone dancer, flailing around in khakis and a button up shirt. Clearly, he was misplaced and alone and we decided to make him ours. 

His name was Brandon, and he told us he was a banker. We had guessed as much, but we let him tell us how important he was. He seemed to need it. 

Although we prefaced our conversation with the majority of our group was taken and the odds were not in his favor, he insisted on buying us all drinks all night.

Maybe because he knew he would eventually take off all his clothes in the foam pit and we would need to stop security from hauling him out.

We headed for round two in the foam pit and danced until they shut it down. We helped Brandon find his pants then headed back into the bar.

While we were ordering, Brandon decided to climb up onto the wall divider. A simple mistake, as it's located mere feet from the dance platform. But it was too late. Apparently Play has a no tolerance rule for dancing on the wall, and he was pulled down by security.

My loyal bridesmaids party pulled me back from arguing with the bouncer, and even the bartender tried to plead with him, but it was too late.

He hauled Brandon out, and he waved to us. RIP Brandon in Khakis. We barely knew ye.


For the remainder of the weekend, we would drink in his honor.


We cabbed home and ended up in the hot tub before finally getting to bed around four.


But the party began again the next day with breakfast at T Swifts favorite place in Nashville, Fidos.

I came prepared in my tiara and sash, and we attempted to get the story of when my wedding actually was straight because we got sick of explaining why we were celebrating and it was in January.

We were rockstars, though.

We then went to our first secret stop...which ended up being the Arrington Vineyards. It was beautiful and we were all in our matching wedding party gear and it was a blast. We did a wine tasting and relaxed and it was perfect.

We had a quick nap-stop back at Gary's where we piled in bed (Gary's wonderful, massive, king sized, super soft bed) and watched Broad City before the ultimate evening began.

It started with us getting ready, and then me coming outside to find a limo waiting. A FREAKING LIMO.

The plan was to drive around Nashville, eat pizza, and drink champagne like freaking badass bees. 

Our first stop was this amazing look out, where you could see the whole city. It was right at sunset and it was perfect (they literally had all our stops planned and I couldn't get over how much time and effort was put into this weekend). 

Then we visited the Nashville Parthenon and took a bunch of pictures and got to pet some super soft adorable pups. 

Unfortunately, everything in our limo was broken. The AC, the lights, the radio. At this point, we were really starting to realize the AC part of the problem. My sister-in-law got on the phone like a BOSS.

 

So we got the limo ride free if we got out where we were, which happened to be the County Music Hall of Fame.

We hopped out, and as we were deciding what to do we ran into two rickshaw drivers who convinced us that they would bring the party, and they totes did.

What began as a quick ride to find a horse drawn carriage, ended with a three hour rickshaw ride around Nashville. Tim and Tim #2 (Ryan, I think was probably his real name..) showed us all these amazing places that we never would have seen otherwise, including some history about the city.

They gave us some pretty cool stories to tell, and pictures like these...

It was pretty much the best experience I've ever had in my life. They paraded us up and down Broadway and made me feel like a parade princess and made us feel like the coolest bachelorette party of all time, which really, what else could you ask for?

via GIPHY

We said our goodbyes in front of Coyote Ugly and bid the Tims farewell.

And then the dancing began. There was lots of dancing.

And well, that's all we'll say about Coyote Ugly. But there was this guy:

So. 

We ended up at another ball that had a disco ball, and that's pretty much all I remember from there. 

Somehow our Uber got us to a Cookout where we met Jeff-Michael-Rick whom we convinced to buy us all food. 

We ate with him, and then retreated back to Gary's.

 

The next morning, we assessed whether or not we were going to live much longer, and came to the conclusion that none of our legs worked and we would probably all be dead soon without breakfast.

We headed to a place that Tim #1 had pointed out on our tour, Monell's. It's an all you can eat, family style place that serves down home Southern food. IT WAS SO GOOD OHMYGOD. We sat with strangers who had just gotten engaged and so that was fun.

I was still wearing my tiara and I have no regrets.



We headed our separate ways after leaving Gary a lengthy note about how much we love him and his beautiful house.



It was one of the most fun, memorable weekends of my entire life. I laughed so hard, and I got to scream Rhianna lyrics at people from a rickshaw and dance in a foam pit so I really don't know where my life goes from here.

Thank you to my beautiful, intelligent, generous friends who went above and beyond the call of duty making this bride feel like an all out QUEEN.




 
X THAT WHOLE WEEKEND.


If you'd like to check out some of the things we did in detail, check out my blog board on Pinterest:


Follow Marvyl's board Weekend at Garys Bachelorette Party on Pinterest.

The Weight of the Issue

Guys, I have so many exciting things to write about.

I have the recap of the world's best bachelorette party. I have the most gorgeous invitations to tell you all about. I have so many exciting wedding details to update!

But I can't seem to get the words to flow, the paragraphs to match my enthusiasm for all the spectacular things happening, because over it all (prepare for over dramatic statement) my world seems to be crumbling down around me.

Yeah, it's going to be THAT kind of post.



So, if you're not feeling melodramatic today, go read something more cheerful like this post.


If you're ready to join me in the pity party...proceed!
 


This all began a few months ago, when for some reason my body decided that it was going to completely reject the medication I had been switched to and it started panicking.
 

This meant I became an emotional trainwreck, with paralyzing anxiety.


Now, generally I'm a hypochondriac but this time it was to the point where I was entirely sure I was going to die and couldn't even bring myself to make an appointment for the doctors because I knew that they would tell me I had merely weeks to live, and I would never see my wedding day or my kids holding one of those stupid chalk board first day of school things and I would never get to use all that damn money in my 401K and I would have been saving all of it for nothing.

So instead of calling, I spent my nights lying awake planning my bucket list and my super-awesome party-not funeral.

I've been suffering from depression the majority of my life, but I usually tend to keep the anxiety under control. This was a whole new level for me, and I had no idea how to cope with it.

I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't sleep. I focused on things to the point that I was convinced I was a lunatic, and the best thing for everyone is if I just pulled an Irish goodbye and never came back. 

And, since I was dying, what did it matter?

When it got to the point of being a safety concern, Eric helped me get into the doctor's.

I didn't know what was going to be worse, finding out that it was something life threatening, or finding out it wasn't and confirming that I was, in fact, out of my mind.

We found out the issue was not going to kill me, and was easily treatable and as she delivered the news, my eyes filled up with tears and I looked over at Eric, fully expecting him to exit in this sort of fashion:
 

Like, ok BAI crazy lady. I'm not dealing with this anymore!

But of course, he's an angel, and he just seemed really excited that I wasn't going to die.



After my complete breakdown in the doctor's office, we decided we should probs deal with my little anxiety problem.
 


Just thought at this point you needed a cute puppy GIF. You're WELCOME.

Anyhow, so we changed my medicine and slowly I started feeling less like the world was ending.

But, lucky for me, that came with 14 pounds of weight.

Yeah. FOURTEEN. POUNDS.

If nothing else in this world, I've been blessed with Eric, great friends, and the luxury of a fast metabolism shared between me and my brother.

Once in high school I gained a bunch of weight, but it went right back off and I've been lucky to remain approximately the same size for the past eight years or so.

Until I guess, I decided to get married and the universe thought, "HEY! THIS WOULD BE A GREAT TIME FOR YOU TO GAIN A BUNCH OF WEIGHT AND LOSE ALL YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE!"
 

So after realizing I now couldn't fit into my wedding dresses or any of my clothes, my confidence had never been lower.

 

All of this was a great starting point for the worst month of bad news.

I started a new job, Eric lost his job and then got hired on in Nashville (he's moving away), a close family member found out they had cancer, and my mom had a relapse.


It's a whole lot of crappy news in a short amount of time.



Every day is a constant effort to convince myself that it's worth moving forward. To get up, and face whatever ridiculous things the world has in store that day.

And sometimes it feels overwhelming to try and explain how I'm feeling because everyone is going through something difficult, and at times it seems completely selfish to bring your problems up when in the grand scheme of things they really aren't that bad.

The past month has been an exercise in perspective. And a reminder of what I have always said...I've seen worse days, I've seen better.

There will always be bad days. There will be bad months, and bad years, and sometimes it will seem like your whole life is one big joke being played on you.

But there will be so, so many good days. Days where your friends ride around Nashville with you and you feel like a queen and days when your fiance makes you laugh so hard you cry and you're just sitting at home binge watching Netflix.

Those good days are so worth these bad ones. And so I guess this whole thing is to point out that the good days weigh so much more than the bad ones, in the end.

 





Thanks for everyone who has supported me over the past few months during this craziness. Much love, always.