Why wasn't I invited?! (And how to deal with not making the cut)

It's wedding season again, and right on cue you can hear the hushed whispers of dismay.

Break rooms and coffee dates and angsty texts across the country are full of angry people who are upset that they didn't make the guest list.



So I thought I'd take a moment to explain just why you didn't make the cut, and how to deal with it.


The first round of cuts comes down to: budget and obligation.

The first thing you need to remember is that the guest list is not a one person decision. It's more of like a twenty person decision.

The guest list gets input from the bride, the groom, the parents, and any other relatives who are determined that Great Aunt Betsy HAS to be there.

In most cases the bride and groom aren't paying, so they almost never have final authority on the number of guests, or even who makes the cut. And when push comes to shove, the person signing the check can cross your name out so Great Aunt Betsy makes it.

So if whoever is paying for the wedding says the couple can only invite 100 people, you can best believe that all relatives come in ahead of you.

Keep in mind most weddings come out to $30 or more PER GUEST. These decisions aren't made lightly!


The second round of cuts comes down to relationships. Now, this part of the decision doesn't apply to you if you're the bride's best friend and somehow didn't make the cut...that's some personal stuff that you'll have to take up with her.

This applies to all you high school friends and work buddies.

Just because you talk to the bride or groom every day, doesn't mean that you're going to be automatically included on the guest list. It's just a hard truth you're going to have to face. Same goes to people who haven't actually spoken to them in five years, but you were super close in college.

Let's say the bride and groom just got engaged. If you're not one of the people they actually called on the phone to tell or texted immediately, and you found out on Facebook...you're probably not going to make the first round of cuts.

The important thing to remember here is that friendship does not equal guest list. It doesn't mean you're more or less important to them, it just means that there are people who have been involved in their lives and relationship in a different way.


Now, there are tons of other factors that may have impacted why you didn't make the guest list, but here's the part you ought to be focusing on: how to deal with it.



1) Don't invite yourself
If you didn't get a save the date, trust me, they didn't "forget" you. Don't make comments about how your invite must have been lost in the mail...it's rude, and it will probably make them feel awful that they weren't able to invite you due to listed reasons above.

2) Skip the guilt trip
Whether it was family or budget, if you're friends then there is a huge chance they wanted to invite you, but couldn't. Don't be that person that rains on the parade by talking about how you really wish you were going to be there, and how you bet it's going to be incredible. Spread joy, don't kill it!

3) Be supportive
If you aren't invited but still want to be involved, start by talking to the bride or groom. Let them know you understand they couldn't invite the whole world, but that you're still super happy for them and want to offer any support or help. There is SO much to do and they will definitely appreciate you offering, and it lets you celebrate with them outside of the wedding. Also let the maid of honor or family members know you're free to help with no invite obligation.



So there is a mini guest-list survival guide for the impending wedding season of all your Facebook friends.

Just like in White Christmas!

We've been struggling to find an affordable place to hold our rehearsal dinner, and thanks to the brilliant staff at the Southern Railway Station, we have THE BEST PLACE EVER.

We'll be holding our rehearsal dinner in the newly renovated second box car of the train outside Southern Station!

It's not fully complete yet, but by January it will be full of adorable tables and I just can't even stand how insanely excited we are!!

We'll be dining right in the middle of history, and it will be so romantic!

We will be updating everyone as the renovations continue, hopefully with some pictures soon!

If you want to see some pinspirtation for the party you can check out the blog board: Follow Marvyl's board To Be Triscritti on Pinterest.